


The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Henchmen in Love

by cherryvanilla



Series: Yuletide Assignments and Treats [9]
Category: Venture Brothers
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Yuletide, challenge:Yuletide 2008, recipient:subterrain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-25
Updated: 2008-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-22 08:46:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryvanilla/pseuds/cherryvanilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Henchmen in Love

**Author's Note:**

> This story really only works if you read it while imagining all of the characters voices. Each character, especially The Monarch, Dr. Girlfriend, and 24 are so incredibly unique in their line delivery and inflictions that reading the dialogue normally doesn't really make sense.
> 
> Some dialogue taken from The Family That Slays Together Slays Together, Part 2 and the `gay brother' thing is apparently from the Season 2 deleted scenes. Spoilers for The Family That Slays Together, as well

**********

21 was escorted into the darkened room and stood, expectantly.

Suddenly, a bright light was shining in his face and all he could make out in the darkness in front of him was a shadowed figure.

"So," came the shadowy voice. "Tell me why you're here."

"I need your help."

"Naturally, or you wouldn't be here. At least, you wouldn't be walking in the front door. What is it you want and better yet, why should I help you."

"Well, once upon a time, in a cocoon far, far away..."

**********

"Dude! I can't believe my brother is gay. What if that means .... _I'm gay._ " Every sentence that came out of 24's mouth was always terribly dramatic, as if it was the end of the world. That's one of the things 21 liked about him.

"I really don't think it works that way, 24."

"But it would explain so many things. Like why my first wife left me, and why I suck with women. And why this butterfly costume makes me feel pretty..."

But 21 was already off in his own world. "You know, Sam and Frodo were gay. At least that's what people say. As a die hard LOTR fan, I feel I should oppose that notion but I must say I agree with it."

"What are you talking about!?"

"Lord of the Rings!"

"Oh, geez! I'm talking about _real_ life here!"

"Well, they could be gay in real life too. I'm just saying 24, that I wouldn't treat you differently."

"That's very nice, but I need to be sure. If there was only a guy I could kiss to test it out."

"Hmm." 21 began to think. This went on for a good twenty minutes, when they realized they were both the same sex.

"Alright, I'm going to kiss you now."

21 nodded and puckered up his lips. Their lips touched, eyes wide open, and then the door opened.

"I've been calling all henchmen for - ack! What's going on here?!" The Monarch wagged his finger dramatically at the two embraced butterflies, who were now standing cheek to cheek. Dr Girlfriend aka Mrs. The Monarch peeked out from behind her husband's shoulder. "Oh, aren't they adorable. I love watching two men kiss."

"What?! You never told me this!"

"Oh, yes. It gets me hot all over."

"Hmm. Very well, 21 and 24, I command you to kiss again!"

"But-"

"I think we're done," 24 droned in his trademark monotone.

"Butterfliieess! Kiss!"

21 and 24 shut their eyes tight and kissed again, awkwardly.

Dr. Girlfriend and The Monarch both tilted their heads, inspecting.

The two henchmen relaxed a little but if anything, grew clumsier.

"Alright, I've seen enough!"

Dr. Girlfriend nodded in agreement. "You two may want to take a class or something. It worked wonders for him," pointing toward The Monarch.

"Pookums! That was a secret!" They turned to leave. "And report to positions now!" The Monarch called behind him.

They broke away instantly. "Great! Now The Monarch thinks we're gaaayy!" 24 moaned.

"And Dr. Girlfriend," added 21.

"You mean Mrs. The Monarch."

"Semantics!"

They looked at one another in silence. "So," 24 said.

"So... how was it for you?"

"Eh."

"Eh?!"

"What do you want me to say?! Your breath smells like chili dogs!"

"Well your mouth tastes like broccoli!"

Silence again.

"Well, are you gay or what?"

24 tapped his chin thoughtfully. "No. I guess not."

21 felt a wave of disappointment. And then he had an idea. "You know, if we keep this couple thing up, we can ensure we'll never be separated on a mission. Not with Dr. Girlfriend on our side now. And if we're not separated, our invincibility factor will never end! We'll never die!"

"Hmm. You may have a point."

"Great, let's go, shnookums." 21 pranced out the door and 24 trailed behind him, shaking his head. "Please don't prance."

**********

The next day, 24 spanked 21's ass after a briefing. "Looking good, lover."

"Uhhh, you too ... sweetums." They held hands, which made Dr. Girlfriend aka Mrs. The Monarch exclaim how cute they were.

The Monarch looked up towards the ceiling of his cocoon and yelled (complete with exaggerated hand motions), "Why!? My henchmen are supposed to be brawny and muscular and attend to my every whim. Not gay!"

"Um, darling, two things. First, they are butterflies. Second, that description sounded gayer than whatever 24 and 21 do when they're alone."

"Silence woman!"

As it turns out, 21 and 24 were so good at fooling everyone they were hopelessly in love that they began to believe it themselves. The playful teasing and endearments that were previously reserved for the presence of The Monarch began to slip into their every day camaraderie until it began to feel natural and - right.

The Monarch had begun to accept their relationship and even said they'd work every mission together from here on out as they clearly were so devoted to one another. Of course, he _was_ reading off an index card prepared for him by Dr. Girlfriend.

And then came the day of the Big Battle at the Venture compound. 21 had felt the danger level escalating throughout the mission and secretly felt his invincible status may be coming to an end. So, he decided to tell 24 how he really felt. Except he got side-tracked by the whole car debacle. A second before he could say something, H.E.L.P.eR. hijacked the car.

"Dude, bail!" 21 leaped out.

"I can't! My seatbelt is jammed!"

"Why would you buckle it?! Why would you do that?!"

"I don't knooowww!"

Next thing he knew, all hell was breaking loose, Hank and Dean Naked Zombies were everywhere and 24's flaming severed head was in his hands, before he could even say the words `I love you.'

Instead, they came out as "24! NOOO!"

It seemed cosmically unfair...

**********

"And so, we come together today, to say goodbye to a brave butterfly. A valiant henchman! Number 21!"

Murmurs erupted from the onlookers.

"Uh-"

"Boss-"

Dr. Girlfriend placed a hand on The Monarch's shoulder. "Darling, it's 24 who perished. 21 is right here."

"Oh, are you kidding me! 24's gone? Nooo! Why couldn't it be YOUUUU?!" The Monarch pointed at 21 accusingly, who was too busy staring at the makeshift grave in the ground.

"Darling, have some tact. Can't you see 21 is distraught?"

"Yeah, yeah, what about me! My henchman is gone! I should have made you my number 2 like I promised!" The Monarch called up to the sky, "Why???!!"

The ceremony ended abruptly. Dr. Girlfriend stood by 21 in silence, their heads bowed. "I know it's difficult, but it will get better. After all, no one is immortal." She patted his wings and left. And suddenly, 21 flashed on the zombie army of naked boy flesh and knew what must be done.

**********

"And that's why I have come to you. Help me, Dr. Venture, you're my only hope!"

"Alright, calm down Princess Leia."

"Please Dr. Venture. You have the power! I've seen it! You're a genius!"

"Well," Dr. Venture blushed, appreciatively. "A genius, you say? I guess -- yeah, I guess I am. Okay, listen 22..."

"21."

"Whatever. First of all, we can only do this if you have some of his DNA."

21 reached into the side pouch on his uniform and pulled out a plastic bag. "I have some of 24's hair from one night when I was combing it for him..."

"Boy, you are gay," Dr. Venture muttered.

"And I found this piece of his uniform near the wreckage."

Dr. Venture took the items. "Alright, it will take a little while. With my high-tech incubators, I'll be able to speed up his aging process so he'll look exactly as he did before."

Brock coughed and 21 didn't even realize he was still there.

"Er, give or take a few years. Also, I can restore his memories up until slightly before death."

"Sounds great! Let's do it!"

21 paced nervously for hours in the laboratory waiting room. H.E.L.P.eR., now pieced back together, approached 21 tentatively, and beeped out what he assumed was an apology.

"That's okay little guy. It wasn't your fault. Hey, you remind me of R2-D2."

"Monarch Henchman!"

Dr. Venture stood at the door of the lab, hands on his hips, channeling The Monarch.

21 stood up abruptly. "Yeah?"

He pushed open the door and ushered 21 through it. "Your boyfriend's back."

21 stepped forward slowly. There, in all his glory, stood 24.

21 couldn't help himself and ran to embrace his friend.

"Duuudde, glad to see you too. But why am I naked?"

21 smiled up at him brightly. "Long story. Here," he held up the fabric he'd been fingering during the long wait. "I got you a brand new costume. Had my mom sew it."

"Uh, okay. Wait, weren't we in some big battle? What happened? Why are we in Dr. Venture's lab? Where- "

21 cut off 24's questioning with a purposeful kiss, pent up with heartache and desire.

"Yeah, you're welcome!" Dr. Venture called from the background sarcastically, and walked away in a huff, with Brock and H.E.L.P.eR. on his heels.

After being kissed senseless, 24 blinked down at his fellow henchman, and then down at his body. "Oh, man. I think I'm _gay_!"

[end]

  



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